Mass Effect: A Different Take
by Aoirann
Summary: What if Shepherd was a Red-Headed,lecherous,Scottish woman. Well find out. Warning: First real story. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome! This one welcomes you to my first serious series of Fanfiction. This First Chapter will give you the background of Commander Shepherd. I never did like the fact they never went into any real detail, but they probably couldn't without boring us. So this chapter is just about her childhood.

**Disclaimer:** I do not Own Mass Effect. Bioware owns the copyright to it. If I did it would be nowhere as good as it is.

"Talking"

'Thinking'

(Sound Effect)

**Chapter 1**

**The Adventure Begins.**

"WARNING! TOP SECRET FILES ACESSED! CLEARNANCE REQUIRED!" A console shouted a warning at the user. Said user was hidden by the shadows of the room, the light from the console did nothing to reveal what they looked like. However the growl of frustration that came from the person did reveal that they were female.

"I hate having to put in my damn clearance code every time! It's my own Personnel Files!" She let out a sigh. "Alright. Let's see here... 1310723DN7T51-B" The Computer accepted the code and was processing the data.

"ERROR! DATA IS CORRUPTED! PLEASE REENTERED PERSONNEL DATA!" The computed shouted out. The women shouted too. "GODDAMNIT! THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME! ARGHHHHHH!" She let out a scream of frustration! "Calm Down Shepherd. You're a soldier. Act like one." She told herself. She then started to refill out the form. "Name: Karen Shepherd. Sex: Yes Please." She laughed to herself, then deleted it and wrote Female. Hair Colour: Crimson Red. Eye Colour: Jade Green. Scars? One that runs across my nose and my cheeks." She mentally added to herself, 'They don't need to know about the one on my ass from the time I mooned that Doberman.' Career: Soldier." 'No biotic ability and I never could use a Omni tool beyond the most basic purposes.'

She the continued filling out the form no matter how stupid the questions got. "Ever had relations with a Bolian? What the hell is a Bolian?" She finally neared the end when she got to a question that made her stop. "What is your Background?" She then stopped. A nostalgic look came across her face. 'My...Background'....She drifted off.

---------------------------------------------------

(Flashback)

"Lt. Shepherd you need to push!" "I'm Trying!" The scene was taking place in a sterile white room. The scene that was taking place had taken place since the dawn of humanity. A Woman was giving birth while the father was holding her hand, while someone else was watching for the baby. What was standard about the scene was the fact there were two non medical personnel in the room. An red-headed woman in a gold tank top and a military uniform as a jacket, and brown haired man in a full military uniform. The woman was sitting in the chair backwards, looking straight at the woman giving birth, while the man was looking elsewhere. It was obvious to everyone he was uncomfortable. He eventually said something.

"Um... Shepherd I could leave if you want me too." "NO!" The woman shouted. She then said in a weak voice. "Please. Captain you're the closest thing to my father on the ship and I wanted my father to be here." The Captain was taken aback. "Ummm....I'm honored." Any other conversation was cut out by Shepherd's grunt of pain and the Doctor announcing "The baby's Crowning! Just a few more pushes." The next few minutes was filled with anticipation. Finally the baby was pushed out. However something was amiss. The baby wasn't crying. However, to avoid a depressing story, before the doctor was able to do anything the baby let out one of the loudest cries an infant could make. The doctor meekly added that it was a girl. At that the red-headed woman let out a boisterous laugh.

"I see she takes after her Godmother!" She belted out in a thick Scottish accent. The Captain smiled. "Well, Adam, Hannah, I would like to say it is an honor to have your daughter born on the USS Sagan." To which he added "Do you have a name for her?" At that question both parents look at each other. A look of horror on both their faces. They then both shouted at the same time "WE FORGOT TO PICK A NAME!" The doctor and the captain winced in pain from the sound. The Red-headed woman voiced a question. "Why not name her after me? She already takes after me with her boisterous voice." The two new parents looked at each other. "Karen Shepherd. I like the sound of that." The husband comment at that point "I take it I don't get a vote?" "You get a vote for each month you carried her around in your stomach." The man rolled his eyes at his wife's comment then smiled. "Karen Shepherd it is then."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Auntie?" "Yes mini-me?" "Why am I staying with you for the next six months?" The Older red head turned towards the eight-year old red head. "Simple. Your parents are on a tour that is top secret and kids aren't allowed on board." "Oh. Also? Shouldn't you be looking forward while driving?" Aunt Karen immediately turned her attention back to driving, narrowly avoiding hitting a Semi-truck. She chuckled nervously. "Let's not tell your parents about that, shall we?" Mini Karen smirked "I want Asarian candy." "Deal."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Auntie?" "Yes mini-me?" "I was wondering.... How did you lose your leg?" Aunt Karen looked up from her newspaper to stare at the now 10 year old girl. She had an Unreadable look on her face. "I lost it when a Biotic's amp shorted out. We were in the Cargo Bay, and it caused a crate to slam into me and crushed my leg against the wall. The damage was so bad that they had to amputate it." At that she shrugged. "However in compensation the System Alliance gave me a cutting edge prosthetic leg that actually was nerves in it so I can still feel everything." Thats when she smirked. "I also got an very healthy stipend from the System Alliance, and a Biotic user boyfriend with godlike endurance. Kid trust me when I say it is a extremely fuc-I mean messed up relationship. I mean he cause me to lose a leg in a accident, feels so guilty that he catered to m every whim until I got so fed up I punched him. Then somehow we started dating and where we are." She goes back to reading her paper and mutters something about politics. Mini-Karen scratched her head. "What does endurance have anything to do with relationships?" "I explain when you're older."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Auntie?" Aunt Karen thought to herself 'Please don't be about puberty! Please don't be about puberty! Please don't be about puberty! Dear god in heaven! Please don't be about puberty!' "Yes mini-me?" "Actually it's about that." Aunt Karen visibly relaxed when it hadn't about puberty. She mentally added 'Her mom can take care of that little talk.' "Go ahead." She nodded to the now twelve year old girl. "In school we were talking about genetics and how the kids take on traits of their parents." "Yes?" Aunt Karen did dread the next question but not as nearly as much as the puberty one. "Dad's an ethical Kenyan and Mom's Japanese. How come I'm white, with Red hair and Green eyes?" "First of all the word is Ethnic not Ethical." She corrected. As an aside statement she said "However Adam is both though." She then got down to explaining the violation of the laws of genetics. "That is a rather complicated answer. First your parents both received genetic enhancements as part of serving the System Alliance." After seeing the Mini-Karen had understood that she continued. "Now I know you know where babies come from. I watched your parents explain it to you." She chuckled at that memory while her younger shuddered at the memory. "Anyway," She continued "what happened was that it made it so your dad's sperm did not have any DNA in it. Normally that would make it so he couldn't have any kids. However!" She added emphasis on that word. "Your dad has a medical condition due to the enhancements. In fact it's named after him. Adam's Syndrome. It's where, in a process that goes against all known biology, the sperm acquires DNA from the woman uterus and uses that DNA instead to fertilize the egg. Now normally that would just make the kid a genetic clone of the mother." "But I'm nothing like my mother!" Mini-Karen said in a panic. "If you shut up I would explain it!" Aunt Karen said slipping into her Scottish accent. Mini-Karen managed to calm down enough to let the older woman explain. "I said normally. However your mother medical history isn't normal. During a peacekeeping operation your mother took a bullet to her pelvic area. This caused her uterus to be completely shredded. Now I knew your mother always wanted children, and I knew I didn't. So I was found to be a match and I gave her my uterus and my fallopian tubes." To say that Mini-Karen was surprised would be say that water is wet. A gross understatement. "You did that for my mom?" "Yes. I knew her since College. Hell I was her bridesmaid at her wedding" "That explains the scar that-" "You saw that one time you walked in on me in the shower." Aunt Karen interrupted. "Back to the story. Now her ovaries were perfectly fine so any kids she would have would have been genetically hers. Except-" "Wait I got this one. She now had a condition called Hannah's Syndrome." At that Aunt Karen smirked. "Got it in one kid. Don't let anyone tells you otherwise but you are as smart as you parents. Now what happens with that is that the eggs are blank of all DNA too. However they acquire the DNA of the fallopian tube. Normally any woman with this syndrome would never know except..." She trailed off waiting for her Mini-self to finish. "My mom's fallopian tubes weren't hers..... Does this mean I'm your kid?" At the she got hit in the head by her Aunt. "No your not. I'm your sexy Scottish aunt who looks after you for about half the year. Don't even think for a second your parents don't love you! They took the news of that incredibly well. Hell they even joked about it. Your mom said 'I was wondering why I craved Scotch throughout the whole nine months.' Your dad mock cried and said that he wouldn't get in the way of our hot lesbian love. We both smacked him for that." "Oh. That does explain a lot. Especially those odd looks we get when they say I'm their daughter......Aunt Karen?" "What now?" was said with a exasperated tone. "What's a lesbian?" At that question Aunt Karen just face palmed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Here we are! I can't believe you're already graduating from the System Alliance Academy!" said an older Asian woman as she fixed the collar on the now grown up Mini-Karen uniform. "I know mom. You only remind yourself every 5 minutes." She said with some annoyance. At that the Asian woman started to tear up. "MY OWN DAUGHTER HATES ME FOR ABONDANING HER HALF THE YEAR AND THE OTHER HALF BEING ON A MILITARY SHIP!" She then started to cry into her daughter's chest. "MOM! I don't hate you!" "YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!" She then proceeded to cry harder. Karen then looked for help from her aunt. "Not going to happen not so mini-me. I dealt with her freak out over missing my wedding. You can deal with her guilt over supposedly being a bad mother."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

(End Flashback)

Shepherd shook her to get rid of the memories that had flooded her. She then typed in Spacer. She then went to the next and last question. "What is your past military history?" At that she smirked and typed in War Hero. After hitting "Send Data" she sat back and remember the Blitz.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

(Another Flashback)

"SIR! ETA Until Shepherd's last known position is 60 Seconds!" "Right!" The Lieutenant turned to the squad of Marines in the cramped quarters of the tank. "Alright Marines! We and the rest of the 501st are going in fast and hard to help relieve the defender of the colony! She was been holding off the Goddamn Batarians for over 2 hours now and we're not sure if she's still alive!" "Sir? Only one Woman?" questioned another Marine. "That's right! Only one!" Any further questions were stopped by the pilot's next statement. "Ahhh Sir? We've arrived but.... I have no words for it just get out and see for yourself." the pilot said over the intercom, clearly confused. "What do you mean?!" "Just look!" At that the Lieutenant open the hatch, ran out of the tank to find cover but stopped dead in his tracks. "Holy Shit....." He trailed of at the sight before him. Before him was an obviously a battle scarred city. A bar was completely in ruins, with bottles all across the street. However that wasn't what was causing a battle seasoned Marine to stand stupefied. What did was the Giant pile of Batarians, at least two stories high, in the middle of the street. And at the top was a single woman, drinking from a bottle, holding the Systems Alliance flag tied to a pole. She stopped drinking and looked down at the stupefied Marines.

" HEY GUYS YOU MISSED THE PARTY!" She shouted down to them while she started to climb down from the pile. This never happened because she tripped over her own feet and went tumbling down the groaning and begging for mercy pile. The Lieutenant managed to catch her before she hit the ground. "Tshanks for the shave!" she slurred out. "Did...did you do this?" was all the Marine was able to get out. "Yeah! I did all with this bottle. Well not this bottle. I had to use sev-seve-a few!" She blurted out. "I left my pistol back at base! Stupid bastard Batarians shot my eye out as I was drinking in that bar over there! Hi Bar!" She waved to the now burned out bar. The bar did not wave back. Shepherd got angry. "Stupid bar. Doesn't even wave back! I'm not drinking there again!" Then Shepherd started to laugh. "Hey! Imagen if I wasn't drunk off my ass! Hey your kinda cute! Want to go back to my bunk?" The Marine snapped out of his daze. "What?" "Sheesh you don't need to yell! You carry me there. I'm too tired... to walk back....." She trailed off as she fell asleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

In the present time Shepherd laughed to herself. "Poor guy. Had no idea what to do. I did get his number later. And I did get to-" She was interrupted by the intercom. "Commander! You might want to be in the cockpit when he hit the Relay." "Alright I'm coming." She turned the station off and left the room.

**Notes:** Alright this is my first fanfiction series so any review would be helpful. Also Ideas on what to do would be also helpful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Sorry it took so long to get this Chapter out. First it was just plain laziness and forgetting about the story. Then I got involve in National Write a Novel Month. That took up all of November. (I won but by cheating with filler.) Then Finals and even more laziness. So sorry about the delay. To make it up there will be several Omakes at the end of the next chapter. Also the next chapter should be coming out faster but I need to play Mass effect again so I can remember everything in it. Also I will be doing the Bring down the Sky DLC. I'm writing this on the assumption everyone reading this knows who all the main or plot characters are.

**Disclaimer:** I do not Own Mass Effect. Bioware owns the copyright to it. If I did it would be nowhere as good as it is.

"Talking"

'Thinking'

(Sound Effect)

**Chapter 2**

**The Heroes Prepare.**

"Hitting the relay in three...two....one." The Normandy flew up to the Relay, and vanished in a flash a bright light. An amazing sight to be hold.

"JESUS CHRIST MY EYES!" That is if one could see it. In the cockpit of the Normandy were Kaidan and Joker sitting down at the console shielding their eyes, while Shepard was leaning against the bulkhead covering hers.

"I take it the visual shielding was the last thing to be installed wasn't it?" asked Joker.

"Yeah it was. I hate low bidders. You think for a multi-billion dollar ship they can afford to make sure everything is working." grumbled Kaidan.

"I think my artificial eye got shorted out. All I can see is in green." Shepard then whacked the right side of her head. "Okay everything is now in black and white." That statement was followed by another whack. "Okay everything's back to normal."

"Joker. Status Report." This was ordered by Captain Anderson over the PA system.

"Well other then the Commander, Kaidan, and yours truly nearly being blinded by faulty Visual shielding, everything is going peachy."

"I'll get Engineer Adams and his crew working on it the next time we dock. Shepard you are needed in the communication room."

"Right away Sir!" Shepard tried to leave the cockpit but walked right into the bulkhead. This was followed by another whack against her head. "Got this time. Depth perception was off." At that she managed to successfully walk out of the cockpit.

Kaidan turned to Joker. "If it wasn't for the fact I saw her once piledrive a Krogan I would doubt that she was the most famous living Soldier."

"Why did she piledrive a Krogan?"

"It spilled her drink and then said "What are you going to do about it" to her."

Shepard managed to fix her eye through the 'Universal Repair Method' ' which is the fine and delicate method of hitting something until it works the way you want it to. This is method that is well known to all Krogans, Quarians, and Humans. Quarians and Human used this method to fix machinery and electronics. Krogans take this one step further and use it on anyone who gets in between them and what they want. However this is not important to the story. Shepard was making her way to the communication room when she overheard a conversation.

"Look I'm just saying that trouble tend to follow Specters and Eden prime is my home planet. I don't want anything to happen to my family."

"What's going on over here?" Shepard asked as she walked up to Jenkins and Doctor Chakwas when they were conversation. Jenkins saluted Shepard since she was an officer. Doctor Chakwas did not since she was out of the normal chain of command. Doctor Chakwas spoke up.

"Corporal Jenkins here was telling me all about Eden Prime."

"I was telling her about the fact I'm on edge due to the Spectre." Jenkins corrected Doctor Chakwas.

"And why is that Corporal?" Shepard asked this out of curiosity.

"Now don't get me wrong. I respect the fact that he is a Spectre. In fact I'm in a awe of him. Also you Commander. But I'm edge since trouble always tends to follow Spectre and we're are on the way to my home planet. My dad broke his hand a few weeks ago and he can't use a gun......"

Shepard put her hand on his shoulder in a comforting way. "Look. They're farmers right?" "Yes." "So if anything happens they would be out of any major population zones right?"

Jenkins nodded his head."Normally not on Eden Prime but they are on an experimental farm to see what will grow in the soil. So they are out of the way." "

"See. So they will be safe no matter what happens."

Doctor Chakwas spoke up. "Normally when you are comforting a person you're suppose to tell them everything is going to be fine, and not as bad as it seems."

"Shepard shrugged her shoulders. "Last time I said that I thought the the gunfire outside was just a rather heated street fight. Next thing I know I'm the hero of the Blitz, and I'm missing an eye."

At that Jenkins laughed and Doctor Chakwas smirked. Shepard left them to their discussion and made her way to the Communication room. As she entered the door the two Marines on guard duty saluted her. She returned it with a nod and entered the room. As she entered she saw Nihlus at the console observing images. As she walked towards him she was stopped.

"That's close enough Shepard." Nihlus then motioned to the images on the console. "Do you know what these are of?"

Shepard mentally questionied why he was asking her but went with it. "They are of Eden Prime. A very nice planet if you ask me. I found a rather nice bar there. Run by a Turian so you can drink there too."

"Yes that very nice." Nihlus filed that information away for later use. "However that's not what I wanted to know. So tell me Shepard. Is humanity ready for this?"

Shepard cocked an eyebrow "Ready for what?" At that Captain Anderson walks into the room. Nihlus looks over at him "She wasn't been told?"

"I was going to tell her but the door to my room got stuck. Took the engineering crew 30 minutes to get unstuck. And before you say anything we have run test and all vital systems are fine, including combat and the stealth system."

"Good. Never can be too prepared. Now Shepard due to your outstanding military record you have been chosen to be the first human Spectre candidate."

"Candidate?"

"Yes. We don't just allow anyone who gains our interest to join. Not after that incident on- Nevermind." Nihlus stopped his train of thought with a shudder.

He continued on "What will happen is that I will accompany you on several mission and evaluate how you handle them. The first will be on Eden Prime."

"What's on Eden Prime?" Shepard asked completely confused. She had been to Eden Prime and knew that there was nothing there that would warrant a visit from a Spectre. Unless that bar she had visited was gun running. That tended to happen to her. All the best bars she every found where either in had could be consider a demilitarized zone or a front for organized crime. However before he could say what was on it Eden Prime Joker cut in over the PA.

"Captain! Message on the Emergency frequency from Eden Prime!"

To be continued.

**Second Author's Note:** Sorry about the abbrut ending but I promised I would finish this before the new year and it is currently 11:27 pm here. Anyway I am writing this after reading the new Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galazy book and notice I was making asides to things like in the book. Should I keep that in or not? Either way the next chapter should be up by Saturday of next week. Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys. It's been forever since I last updated this. I'm thinking of just scraping it and starting over. I have an idea for the story that will not leave my head but would require me to completely scrap the story. I was thinking of crossing over Mass Effect with Shadowrun. I could make it work. If anyone even is payign attention to this story anymore let me know. Shepard will remain the same.


End file.
